I have been celibate now since 2021, which has been intensionally directly tied to my self-worth. The space I hold for my body as a temple, altar & vessel is far more than sexual intimacy.
I have loved well & been loved in the capacity of the partners I have previously chosen with the level of emotional capacity they had to offer in partnership. Have I always chosen partners that reflect my highest good, candidly- no - yet they have all taught me invaluable lessons of self-worth, love & reciprocity that the bare basics are nowhere near enough when it comes to sharing my life, my heart, my temple with my life path.
Have I put more energy and effort into my past relationships? I did not realize at the time the actual cost of what this would entail to my identity, self-workability to choose better for myself.., self-acceptance, and soul path until I took my power back and ceased choosing folks over myself.
The much older version of myself was to please others because I knew what it was like to grow up in a home where you knew you weren't chosen or wanted.
While these aspects are a far cry from or glimmer of the woman I am today, they did help me recognize my own value in a world where everyone is trying to compete with each other. I wanted to stand in my own light to the beat of my own soul signature.
As such, I learned to not create unions with folks who habitually ignored their emotional body and emotional availability to themselves, let alone outside of themselves.
During my last partnership, I recognized how unwilling he was to work on himself, the deeper stuff that actually mattered for him and me to have a deeper, reciprocal, balanced, calm union.
He didn't want to go deeper into his soul self & I wasn't prepared to sacrifice mine.
Celibacy is often seen as prudish, like inherently something is wrong to abstain from physical intimacy. I have found the length of my celibacy has been a direct unfolding of the inner intimacy I have curated for myself with myself and God.
After my last long-term partnership ended in mid-2021, I initially decided to abstain from dating to focus on myself in ways I felt called to ignite from the inside out. After several months, I decided to try dating American men, only to recognize that what I sought wouldn't be on any dating app and that what I sought was rare, as am I - so to not be attached to dating or being with the one.
Become one in all ways to self so that if I never date again, never make love to a man passionately again, I have cultivated such inner unity & sacred inner marriage that my life is fulfilled. If so, be it that I would love again intimately; it would take a unique man to step into my life moving forward, knowing who he was without me unwaveringly. He had been to the depths of his psyche, soul self & back again, time and time, knowing that the soft, supple woman he seeks has not only done the same, but she knows who she is to him is precisely who she is to herself. Whole.
That is attractive when two people cross paths, who really know who they are in all ways outside of the union to themselves.
As time passed, I got comfortable with not dating, really unphased by seeing folks' intentions before they attempted to engage me.
Witnessing men attempt to slide into my DMs or comment on my social media feeds, I recognized I needed to constantly remove these energy vampires from my orbit, especially with a significant social media presence.
I wasn't willing to be a sexual object for others to fawn over; it made my skin crawl just the thought of it.
Until you abstain from something, you dont remember how much individuals are outwardly objectifying you without even being conscious of their actions. So, I began to withdraw my energy & change the landscape of how I connected to masculine energy as a whole.
Outward to inward, inward to outward reflections across all densities, spaces, places & levels of consciousness.
As a young woman in the world, it didn't take me long to figure out how much the media objectified the female form; even one individual said to me as a young late teen woman how I oozed sexuality. I did not fully comprehend that at the time, but now, decades later, I know precisely what she meant.
I didn't have a healthy female role model growing up, so I never got to witness healthy masculinity as a standard of appreciation of the divine masculine. I had to carve that connection for myself to my own masculinity to be able to honor the sacred masculine for what it is; it has genuinely always been in healthful stead in the absence of toxicity, chaos, and trauma.
So I learned the hard way with dating from a young age the trauma bonding I would endure through connection, intimacy & even self-worth.
Unraveling the layers for years later, I witnessed firsthand how I could love anything outside of myself and how I truly honored myself.
Before I separated from my last partner, I began to recognize the wounding patterns in him that he needed to respectfully work on for himself. Not for my benefit or our union, as he needed to work on his mental health and self-respect as much as his love for himself. This is why you should never love someone's potential. I could see clearly timelines in front of him and how he resisted every single step of the way.
At some point, you recognize love is not enough. It took me a year to leave that partnership, partly hoping he would change - deeply knowing he wasn't & me holding onto ideals of promises of a life to be built that never ever got off the ground.
Who one chooses as a partner in life can tell a lot about one's self-respect, self-worth, and self-love.
Abstaining from intimacy has been the best gift I have explored in my life; being celibate has raised the bar in many areas of life. If I ever love again intimately, sacredly with a lover, beloved sacred masculine, the standard of love shared will reflect the inner work in genuinely knowing ourselves independently without each other, which will inevitably benefit each other in the capacity we share our existence with each other, honorable, authentic, and compatible beyond the sheets—through the hearts of all that is—Divine Intelligence.
The standard you set for yourself is the standard you set for life; may it reflect your true love of self and nothing less.
Not everyone has the right to touch you, let alone be in orbit with you. Find what works for you in multidimensional self-honoring reciprocity - I highly recommend celibacy.
It is positively life-altering, and king & queen consciousness comes with standards. What standards do you hold for yourself?
Loving you forward