Change of scenery changes up the energy,
I talk a lot about self-sabotage in my working week, why it occurs & how to overcome it to disrupt patterns to shift lenses & change frequencies. Not just in this life but how the soul's growth is intricately woven in for you to bust open old paradigms to dismantle unconscious connection's so you no longer connect from transactional space, learning to recognize what a healthy love is built on reciprocity, emotional availability & emotional maturity.
I am not just speaking about intimate connections, it's transferable in all areas of life.
Sounds simple enough, right?
Self-sabotage, in its purest essence, comes from a rooted time, age & space in your life where you made a decision a very long time ago to never be vulnerable again.
It very well was a high probability an unconscious decision you told yourself from the biofeedback you received from another, others, or a series of circumstances that gave you an opinion in how you should show up in the world.
A reaction of sorts to something that left such an imprint upon your life that the discord & discomfort associated with that made you feel so pained by it that the best way to deal with it was to avoid dealing with it altogether.
This looks like being in a position, situation, or connection that would require you to be vulnerable. In this said space, the vow that was made to self was to stay silent at the cost or expense of self in asking for what you need.
To be hesitant in opening your heart, trusting, never show your truest self, or never really allow yourself to arrive in any now moment in the wholeness of who you really are.
When its all said & done its the perfect storm to protect yourself & feel like you were in some sense of control at a time when you felt powerless.
Here lies the pebble in the path that is you that needs to be picked up, dusted off & polished to shine so bright as it's placed back onto the path before you.
That defense mechanism that was once created for all intensive purposes as a shield to protect your life is in some way still running an operating pattern with vigilance.
So every time you move forward towards new levels of love & growth, a transformation that aspect of you awakens to this now moment telling you that you are in danger.
Just like feeling fight, flight & flee.
A hold, a suspended state, occurs by halting momentum to it through procrastination, addiction, isolation, perfectionism, avoidance, but when its said & done...
It's really FEAR speaking.
Its a fear of being hurt again; the realization in the here & now is the understanding that even even though that aspect of you could not articulate what it is you now feel because you were yet to develop a tool kit or skill set emotionally to respond differently as an adult now you can.
It's not an option; it's a birthright to be loved & love in a way your heart, mind, body & soul essence can keep unraveling in blossoming in life. This is what reparenting yourself looks like; finding freedom is not about an externality.
Yet an internal reality of freedom from what once pained you limited you or ever told you to dim your light to make others comfortable at your expense.
I'm here to remind you that just because someone else tried to cast shadows upon your life, doesn't mean they are your shadows to carry.
For every penny someone says to me they want to tap into more of their light, they are often taken aback when I say to reach these higher & highest aspects of self is not about the sparkle. Yet tapping into & accessing your shadow uninhibited.
When you can face fear in a way where you can see it for what it is, a frequency. You can learn to change its wielding sword to shatter where it falls reclaiming your own inner magic & learning that shield up is powerful in the right context to protect your energy. Your heart should never be one of them.
Not all beings are shitty, shitty behavior yes...but if you brandish everyone as the same - then soon enough, that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It truly takes the same amount of energy to find shit in another as it does to find gold. You choose which has greater value in reciprocal exchanges.