Regulation of self doesn't mean calm.
Let's bust some myths together; I discuss this with clients often in mentorship & thought it would add value here also.
A regulation of yourself means you are connecting to yourself in being aware of the emotions moving through yourself; it's being at the moment - coming into the eternal now.
Regulation & being regulated means you are present & connected with communication with the connection to what is, people, place, situation, circumstances, etc.
Regulating means being connected; it doesn't mean calm.
A regulated system can still be elevated in weighted emotion while being regulated; this doesn't mean calm.
You can feel all the feels in the broadest of the spectrum & be regulated.
Yet when a friend, sibling, kids, or partner comes in hot towards you - which at times, let's be honest, happens. (Human factor)
You can get frustrated, irritated, annoyed, agitated, pissed off & yet still be regulated.
You can voice, but there is a better space or temperature to continue this conversation or exchange.
You could voice you dont wish to be spoken that way or share space that way....you can still voice that & be regulated.
In whatever temperance feels authentic to your own voice.
You can, my friend, feel the broad spectrum of emotions & still be regulated. The goal should be to witness, FEEL & fully be present to the full spectrum of your emotions to respond & NOT REACT.
Emotional intimacy is sought & found when you can decisively respond, NOT react through regulation.
This projection from a society that you need to be calm all the time breads a form of toxic false foundation in how to move through emotions.
By intensionality, calmness moves into your awareness by discernment of said emotions moving through you, with you & beyond you once you have befriended your emotional full spectrum & no longer operate from Victim / Mizer / Martyrdom.
Calmness takes years of intensionality to connect to your emotions openly in rooted energy; that doesn't come straight off the back when emotions run HOT.
You have a choice in how you move through your emotional gateways, emotional intimacy & reciprocation with dexterity. Regulated means being CONNECTED, not calm.
If you are forced to calm down while in heightened emotions, it keeps you in dysregulation.
You dont need to gaslight yourself by telling yourself to NOT FEEL. Feeling is the gateway; you want to build a stronger unification to your emotional well-being - understand, my friend's feelings are felt, not intellectualize.
You want to build more bridges to your multidimensionality, which comes from embracing your emotions & becoming regulated.
Calmness comes when you no longer have charged to the past, unresolved wounding, or relationships.
You are always responsible for your own emotional well-being & its advocacy.
PS: NO response is a response.
Facilitators, mentors, coaches & yogis, conscious leaders...
All learn to regulate themselves; I am no different.
I am an exceptionally patient, calm individual. That doesn't mean I am voided of weighted HOT emotions. It means I get to choose how I am witnessing myself, the space, the connections, conversations & dynamics to remain regulated.
Cease striving for perfection; strive to be your REAL authentic emotional self.
Continue being your fullest self.
Regulation is attractive, & discernment is self-aware discipline.
Regulation is the next gateway of your intuitive ability to connect to aspects of your multidimensional self by way of feeling - not mental perfection gymnastics.
Regulation is giving your emotions pathways to be expressed through your physical expression.